The Internet Times Supplement

Oscar Pistorious Jokes

In Humour, Sport on February 27, 2013 at 8:00 am

Escaped

Prisoner Escapes From Jail

His lawyer’s got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like Pistorius hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on Valentine’s Day he had to take her out.

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.

Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The IOC say he’s a front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.

Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for his Valentine’s Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.

New Valentine’s Day card: “Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never creep up On Oscar Pistorius.”

Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.

Otherwise, the Oscar goes to……………………Jail !!

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend’s murder……………. Footprints!

She didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

\I see what Pistorius is doing. He is going to jail for 25 years and when he gets released… Bam! President of South Africa. That’s how it works over there, right?

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able-bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

***** My favourite:

Surely Oscar Pistorius isn’t the first man to wake up legless during Valentine’s night, then shoot all over his partner whilst imagining she’s somebody else?

*****

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes ” Just Don’t Do It.”

Hollywood are doing his life story; it’s now going to be called Blade Gunner.

If found guilty he’s gonna have to take it on the shin.

Oscar Pistorius has said he won’t be entering any further races. I think he has to worry more about different races entering him, once he’s in prison.

Oscar Pistorius has murdered his girlfriend. Proof that even a man with no legs has a better shot than Fernando Torres.

Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

I’m struggling to find any of my usual porn. Now when I google “fucked African amputee” all I get is stories about Oscar Pistorius.

Well I guess we should count ourselves lucky Oscar Pistorius was competing in the men’s 400m at the Olympics, and not starting it.

Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name. Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

Things aren’t that bad, Oscar Pistorius. He has the court’s best car parking space.

It’s hard not to envy Oscar Pistorius’s girlfriend. I’ve never seen anyone receive so many flowers on valentines day.

What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party.

As well as losing his legs it seems Oscar Pistorius also lost the ability to shout… “Hey Reeva is that you in the bathroom having a shit?”

Oscar Pistorius’ favourite band has always been ‘Bullet For My Valentine’

If Oscar Pistorius had been Macauley Culkin, Home Alone would have been a much shorter film.

Looks as though Arsene Wenger might be looking to Oscar Pistorius in the Summer transfer window after reports claimed he had more shots on target in 9 seconds than Arsenal did in 90 minutes against Bayern Munich

What’s the difference between Oscar Pistorius and myself? Well for one, I’ve never had a shot at an FHM model

Lots of men make big romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day. Take Oscar Pistorius, for example. His girlfriend was completely blown away.

Oscar Pistorius:

1 bloody cricket bat

2 stumps

No bail

And… Oscar wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

Just Do NOT DO IT

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